


Mend My Wounds

by Castiel_the_Asstiel



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Angry Tony Stark, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Biphobia, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Male Character, Break Up, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Cheating, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gay, Gay Male Character, Gay Tony Stark, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kid Peter Parker, Lies, M/M, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Not Cheating, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Plans, Same-Sex Marriage, Self-Harm, Sequel, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-02-05 12:17:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12794379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiel_the_Asstiel/pseuds/Castiel_the_Asstiel
Summary: James (Bucky) promised nothing would change after he married Tony and they adopted a child. But that wasn't true. They never had time for romance, no more kisses, no more love making, no more love. James was constantly on missions and spent all his time with Steve fucking Rogers. Tony is sure James is cheating in him with Steve, after all they have always been best friends and Steve recently came out as gay. But Tony never mentions it for his son's sake. But he's quickly losing his hold on reality. Perhaps this will be the thing that makes Tony loose it all.





	1. Chapter 1

Tony's POV  
I wake up to find my husband not laying beside me. As usual. He's probably with that goddamn Steve Rogers. That righteous asshole. James is never with me anymore. He said- he promised- nothing would change after we got married. He promised nothing would change after adopting Peter. But he was lying. He's never home. Never with me. Never with Peter. It's as if Peter only has one parent. I should have known. I should have known James was in love with Steve. And now Steve has said he's gay. Why wouldn't James go to Steve? He can treat him better than I ever did. Tears sting my eyes but then someone knocks on the door.  
"Who is it?" I call, struggling to keep my voice steady.  
"Your son." Peter replies. "Come in then." I call back while shoving my face in a pillow. I hear the door open and footsteps coming to my bed then feel him sit down.  
"Can I go to my friends house tonight?" He asks. I smile at the boy, I'm glad he has friends that care about him. "Whose house? Who else will be there?" I inquire. I don't need to loose him too. "Ned's. Mj, Liz (Peter does not like Liz in this universe and her dad isn't evil in this one either.), and this boy named Wade. I don't know him but he's Liz's friend from way back." Peter explains. I'm doubtful of this Wade chapter but Peter has good friends. I trust he isn't a bad guy.   
"Okay. When will you be back? Do I need to pick you up or is one of the parents driving?" I ask. "Well, Wade said he's cool with driving me and the others to our house's tomorrow morning. He's seventeen so he has a license."   
Peter tells me. I don't really like the idea of an older boy I don't know driving home my son but I don't say it. "That's fine. I love you, Peter. Is Bucky home?" I don't know why I ask. James is never home. "Um, I don't think. I haven't seen him." Peter replies. Now that I think about it, has Peter even called James dad before? That bastard. He doesn't even spend enough time with his son that he's okay with calling him dad. Or at least father. I don't want Peter to hate James. I swear, I'm going to beat the hell out of that man if hr doesn't get his shit together.  
"Alright. Well I hope you have fun with your friends. I'll be out soon to take you to school, okay?" I affirm. "Okay. Thanks, dad. Love ya." He says happily as he exists the room. I pick up the phone and call James. He doesn't answer. Motherfucker. I call him over and over until on the eleventh call, he finally picks up.  
"What? Is something wrong? What do you want?" He asks. He sounds out of breathe. Probably just got done fucking Steve. "Where the hell are you?" I demand more than ask. I can't hold back my anger much more. "I'm finishing up a mission with Nat and Steve. Why are you mad?" He asks, sounding concerned. He probably isn't. I should call Nat after this. "I'm not mad. Just miss you." I lie effortlessly. I'm used to it by now. "Oh. I miss you too, baby. See ya soon." He says before hanging up without letting me reply.   
"Motherfucker." I growl. Three minutes later I call Natasha. She picks up immediately.  
"What's up, Tones?" She greets. Not how she normally acts after a mission. "Are you on a mission?" I inquired. "Uh, no. I haven't been on a mission in a week. Why?" She replies after thinking for a minute. I feel a rage bubble up inside of me. But a sob is also making it's way up. "Could you drive Peter to school, please? I have some, uh, work to do. It's urgent." I quickly lie. I don't need Peter to see me cry.   
"Yeah, no problem. Get to work, I guess. Later." She responds. "Later." I say then hang up. The tears quickly start running down my face as I try to keep quiet.  
"You motherfucking bastard!!" I scream once I know everyone is gone and start sobbing. I should have known. I should have known he didn't love me. That he loved Steve. Steve is kind. Nice. Sweet. Gentle. Strong. Handsome. Amazing. Everything I'm not. Me? I'm weak. Ugly. Mean. Rude. Indifferent. A monster. Why would he love me?  
After crying for a few minutes I get the urge to piss. So I force myself out of bed and go to the toilet. After I pee, I brush my teeth. Something I haven't done in, like, 72 hours. I open the medicine cabinet and see James's and my shaving razors. My hand shakes a bit as I reach out for the blade. I grab mine and break it on the sink. It cuts my hand a little. Oops. I grab the blade and hold it in two fingers. I lay the blade on my wrist and cut. I watch as the scarlet liquid slowly oozes out of me. I like it. So I cut again. And again. And again. Over and over. Shredding my arm. Because at least I can control this one thing. It doesn't take long to pass out.  
A/N: Do you think Bucky is cheating? If not, what do you think he's doing? Tell me in the comments!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Peter's POV  
School drags painfully on but eventually the final bell rings and we all run to the parking lot. I stand outside the school waiting for Mj, Wade, and Liz. Ned is driving himself.   
"You Peter Stark?" A boy asks from behind me. I turn around and see a handsome boy with blonde hair. He's pretty hot. "I, uh, y-yeah. I'm Peter." I stutter out. I blush with embarrassment but Wade just smiles as if it was cute. "Mj told me about you. You're cute." He responds. Called it. "Ah, thanks." I say quietly and look away. I'm sure I look like a tomato by now. Thankfully, Mj shows up and breaks the awkward silence.   
"Hey girl!" Wade exclaims and puts an arm around her. Their..dating? Oh. "Sup, Wade?" She greets. Wade smiles at her widely. Well, there goes that.   
"I wanna hug!" I hear Liz call from about two feet away. She walks up to Wade and he puts an arm around her to. "Hey Liz!" He greets with the same excitement he greeted Mj with. Maybe they aren't dating. Fuck it. I'll just ask.  
"Are you dating?" I question. They all look at me shocked before laughing.   
"Hell no!" Wade finally manages to say through his laughs. "Peter, for one, I'm gay as hell. Secondly, I'm gay as hell." Wade explains to me. My face heats up even more and I look away. "Oh. Okay." I whisper.  
"Let's go!" Mj yells and we all run to Wade's Car. "Shotgun!" I scream just to piss Mj off. She always gets shotgun. "Bitch!" She yells while glaring at me. But I still get shotgun while she and Liz sit in the back.   
The drive is quiet, the only sound being the soft jazz coming out the radio. I don't recognize the street though.   
"I thought we were going to Ned's house?" I question. Wade turns to me and smirks. "That's just what the parents need to think. You, the two in the back, Ned, me, and three other friends are going to a small party at my place." He explains. "My dad will be pisses if he finds out!" I almost shout. "Live a little, Pete. Its fun." Wade encourages. "Okay." I agree reluctantly.  
Wade has a huge three story house. It's a beautiful place. A place that may even impress dad. Doubtful. But possible. A chandelier hangs in almost every room, making the lighting in every room amazing.  
"Jeez, Peter. You look like you're in love with the place. You're a Stark, haven't you ever seen a fancy home?" Wade joked to me. I rub my arm awkwardly and step back from him. "Heh, yeah. It's a nice place." I say shyly. "Thanks." Wade responds.  
"WHO WANTS TO PLAY SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN?!?" I hear Liz scream, followed by approving cheers. Wade turns to me and asks, "You in?" with a raised brow, as if it's a challenge. I don't turn down challenges. "Sure am."  
Fortunately, one of Wade's friends has a hat. We all put something of ours in the hat and then Wade's friend shakes the hat. He passes the hat to Wade who dramatically reaches in and pulls out a plastic spider ring. It's mine.  
"Who's is this?" He asks confused. I raise my hand awkwardly and he walks over to me and grabs my hand. "And down the rabbit hole we go." He whispers before pulling me into the closet. The shuts and locks- who has a lock on a closet?- leaving me and Wade alone together in the closet.  
"So..." I whisper awkwardly. "So, you ever kissed a boy?" Wade asks. A blush fills my face as I shake my head, but then realize he can't see me. "Um, no." I say softly. I hear him walking the feel his presence in front of me, heat radiating off of him. "Do you want to?" He inquires in a whisper. "Yes." I reply without a thought. Wade then puts his lips on my right after I say that and lightly places his hands in my hips. It doesn't take long for me to kiss him back and wrap my arms around hus neck. The kiss begins to become heated as Wade slips his tongue into my mouth and mine fights his for dominance. I pull on his hair which makes him moan in my mouth. His hands slip into the back of my pants but before wit can go anywhere, the door opens.  
"Daaammn! Peter's getting some action!" I hear Mj yell. Wade pulls away and wink at her before exiting the closet. Mj smirks at me before moving so I can leave as well. The night continues like that and I luckily don't get drawn again and I draw Liz, so we just talk for seven minutes. Wade gets drawn but I don't think he made out with who drew him. After all, it was Mj that drew him. Eventually we all go to bed on the floor. It wasn't very eventful but I do wake to find Wade with an arm around me. Mj takes a picture of it. I'm actually not mad. As long as she sends me the photo.  
A/N: Sorry but I'm too impatient to do a slow burn for Wade and Peter!!


	3. Chapter 3

Tony's POV  
The next day, (I know you don't stay passed out for a whole day but just pretend.) I wake up. My arm is sore but I force myself up and clean up the blood and clean my arm. I wrap it up and hope no one will notice. James sure as hell won't, he doesn't give a shit about me.  
I walk into the kitchen and see Natasha making lunch with Clint. I used to think they were together, but Nat loves Bruce. They work so in sync, Clint carefully dodging Natasha's movements and working on one task that will help Natasha with hers, knowing what she needs before she knows what she needs. They never bump into each other or get mad at the other. Perfection.  
"Hey, Tony!" Natasha greets cheerfully. I smile at her and say hi. Regardless of James, I have someone who cares. "Sup, Tones." Clint greets with a small wave. "Sup." I reply and admire the synchronized scene in front of me. Its so perfect.  
"I'm home!" I hear a familiar voice shout. James. I try not to cringe as Nat smiles at me kindly. She thinks I've missed him. "As am I!" Another voice shouts. Steve. They both walk in and James has his arm around Steve. Though, he quickly removes it when he sees me and Nat. His smile falters, as if his plan is crumbling.  
"Hey, baby!" He says happily, coming over and hugging me. I force myself to hug him back and not punch him in his perfect face. He kisses my forehead and I want to cringe but I also want to cry. The image of him with Steve is burned in my brain.   
"Hey, Nat, Clint, and Tony." Steve greets. He sounds happy when he greets Natasha and Clint but he said my name as if he knew something I don't. Bastard. "Hey, Cap." I say annoyed. He hates when we don't call him by his name. He frowns at me and says, "I gate when you call me that." Well, I hate when you sleep with my husband so you can fuck off. "Sorry." I say in an unapologetic tone. Before anything else can happen, I walk away. I can't handle this right now.  
In my room James is laying on my- our- bed reading a book called, "A midnight in the garden of good and evil" its one of his horror books.  
"Hey, hon." He greets, putting his book down to roll over and look at me. "I missed you." He adds smiling at me. Yeah, I bet you really missed me when you were putting your dick in Steve's ass. Fucker. "I missed you too." I lie with a smile. He waves for me to come over and sit on the bed so, reluctantly, I do. He lays his head in my lap and just lays there silently.  
"I miss us. We don't hang out like we should anymore." James says sadly. I force myself to not roll my eyes. Liar. "Yeah, same here." I reply. I do miss us but if James is cheating on me, I don't want him. Well, I do want him. But I can't have him. No way in hell will I stay with him if he's fucking other people.  
"We should go out sometime this week. I don't have any missions." James says happily. God, I can't stand this man. But I love him so much. Just kill me already. "Yeah. I'd love that." I say in monotone. James looks like he's going to ask me something but then the doorbell rings.  
"I'll get it!" I scream and run to the door, glad to escape James. I open the door and see Peter and some boy talking but then stop when they see me. "Well I'll talk to you later, Peter. See ya around." Wade says, bidding him farewell. "Thanks for letting him hang out with us, Mr. Stark." Wade thanks before waving goodbye. I turn to Peter whose face is pure red with blush.  
"Got a little crush, Peter?" I joke. I didn't think it was possible, but his face gets even more red. "W-what? Of course not!" He stutters. How cute. "Sure. Go eat something, bud." I say waving him off with a smirk. I walk back in the direction of the room but find James hiding behind the corner.  
"He stayed with that boy last night?" He asks in a protective way. God, James didn't even know where his son was last night. "Yeah, maybe you would actually know hat goes on in that kid's life if you were ever fucking home." I snap. He's eyes widen then turn to a harsh glare. "Are trying to say I don't care about him?" He growls.   
"You sure as hell don't act like you do." I hiss at him. New grabs both of arms and slams me into the wall. "How dare you even imply that!" He shouts. "Keep it down. Wouldn't want little Peter see us fighting. Not that you care about him or me, you bastard." I growl. He pushes me harder against the wall and glares hatefully.  
"I swear if you don't stop saying I don't care I'll-" he starts to say with hate before I cut him off. "You'll what? Hit me? Cut me? Nothing that hasn't been done before. Go ahead. Do you're worst. I'm already broken. Already dead. You can't hurt me anymore." I hiss at him, but my voice grew quieter as I talked so when I was done talking it was barely above a whisper. "You can't break what's broken, Bucky." I add before shoving him off of me and running to Natasha's room. But not before noticing the heartbreak in his eyes when I called him Bucky and not James.  
I've always loved her room. It's dark with just the right amount of light. Candles lit in every corner, books on every shelf, some of my stuff in the closet. Her took had always been my safe place. The place I could be comforted. She isn't here right now, but she'll be back soon.  
"Tony? Tones?" I faintly hear James-Bucky- call. U need to call him Bucky. James implies he still loves me. That he cares. That he's mine and only mine. So he's now Bucky. A knock comes on the door and I scoot into a corner to hide in case it's Bucky and he opens the door.   
"Natasha?" I hear a boy, Steve, call. It takes a lot of strength not to scream at him that this is his fault.  
"I'm here, Steve." I faintly hear Nat say. Fuck. I crawl into the open closet door and hide in it's corner as the door opens and the door opens and they both walk in.  
"You can sit wherever you want, I guess." She says as she flops down on her bed. Steve just sits on a chair I can barely see from here. "So, what did you want to talk about?" She asks.  
"Um, well me and Bucky have been lying to Tony saying we were on missions and we said we on one with you cause we thought you weren't home but now he knows we weren't and I don't know what to do." He explains. No.... Natasha is in on it. "Why are you lying to him? What don't I know, Rogers?" She asks in a way that masks her emotions, but I know she angry. She called him Rogers. "Its a secret. It isn't important. Nothing bad." He insists causing Nat to chuckle darkly. "Then you won't mind if I tell Tony you and Barnes have been lying and not been on missions? After all, it isn't bad. Right?" She ask smugly. "No! No! You can't tell him! He can't know!" He exclaims panicky. A tear falls down my face but I wipe it away.  
"To late, Cap." I say as I stand and walk out the closet. He looks at me with shock and pain. "Tony, it isn't what you think-" he starts to insist but I cut him off. "Fuck off, Rogers. And while you're at it, you can tell Bucky I'm done with him." I growl at him. He opens his mouth to say something but stops himself and leaves. Nat looks at me sadly and hangs her head.  
"I'm so sorry they did this Tony. I was planning on telling you they were lying as soon as he said something. I wasn't going to keep it secret. I promise." She says softly wrapping an arm around me. "I know." I whisper and lay my head on her shoulder and just cry.  
A/N: wow, that was almost 1500 words. So, what do you think they're lying about? Is Bucky cheating???? Tell me what you think in the comments!!!


	4. Chapter 4

I wake up still in Nat's beds from last night's events. Just thinking about it makes me wanna cry. Natasha isn't in bed, probably getting some food, and I miss her presence dearly.  
"I'm hungry." I mumble to myself as my stomach growls. But I don't want to move. I don't have the strength. I wonder how Bucky felt when he couldn't find me last night. I hope he felt like a piece of shit, cause he is one. I can't believe he got physical, I know he didn't hit me but, shit, he might have. I can say this for a fact, if he had I would have kicked him put of the tower on the spot and thrown his stuff down to him on the top floor. That fucker. We had such a good life, a good marriage then it fell to shit. I don't know how or why, but it did.   
"Hey...you hungry?" I hear Nat whisper softly. I jump slightly since I didn't even hear her bedroom door open. "Yeah." I reply in monotone. I am hungry but I don't particularly want to eat. Part of me just wants to starve myself and eat nothing for the rest of my painful existence but I know Natasha would force food in me with a tube before allowing that. And that means she cares, which makes me smile.   
She comes back a few minutes later with some bacon and eggs that smell amazing to me along with some orange juice.   
"Thanks, Nat." I say with a light smile and take the plate. I devour the food quickly causing Natasha to give me the weirdest look before she shrugs and eats her own food.  
"So," she says after a few minutes of silence, "do you want to talk about last night?" Her voice is nervous, as if she scared she'll say something that will make me break down. "I don't know, I guess." I mumble in response.   
"What do you think you're going to do about Bucky? He's been begging me to let him see you but I won't let him. Not if you don't want to see him." She tells me which makes me smile a bit. Natasha really does care about me. And I appreciate not more than she knows.   
"I don't think I can face him. I'm sure he's cheating on me, what else could Steve have meant? And also last night he..." I drift off with my sentence, afraid to tell Nat he came close to hitting me last night. Lord knows what she'll do. "He what?" Natasha asks quickly a venom lurking in her words. Ready to kill the man if she learns any harm came upon me.  
"He almost hit me." I say quietly. "Tony, what exactly happened?" She asks, trying to keep her cool, but I hear the worry and the anger in her voice.  
"He grabbed my arms tightly and shoved me against the wall, shouted at me then stated to say something along the lines of 'if you don't stop I swear I'll-' before I cut him off. It seemed like he was going to threaten to hit me but I don't know." I explain to her speedily. She takes a deep breathe and I can tell she's royally pissed off at Bucky.   
"I don't like this, Tony. And I hate to try to dictate your relationship but maybe he should stay somewhere else for now. He needs to get himself straightened out." Nat suggested to me a I nod at her.  
"Okay but I don't want to talk to him." I reply. Natasha stands up and opens the door. "It's okay, I'll do it." She declares before exiting the room.  
~  
THIRD PERSON POV  
Natasha exists the room after finishing her conversation with Tony and storms off to find Bucky. He isn't hard to locate and Nat quickly spots him sitting alone watching Interview With A Vampire, one of Tony's favourite films.   
"Hey, Barnes, we need to talk. Now." She says angrily. He whips his head around at looks frightened when he sees the hate etched all over her face.   
"Alright then," he says, standing up and walking over to Natasha, "let's talk." He foods his arms and tries to appear unafraid as Natasha takes a deep breathe before she speaks.  
"Upon Tony's request, you will be leaving this tower and staying somewhere else until further notice. You need to get yourself and your priorities straightened out. So GE your stuff and get out, no argument. And no, you can not speak to Tony." Bucky looks at Natasha shocked after she finishes explaining the scenario, but he listens to instructions and doesn't argue. He leaves and goes to his room to collect his things but not before hearing Natasha say one more thing.  
"Thank you for complying."  
~  
TONY'S POV  
Natasha walks back into the bedroom with a small smirk on her face before she sits.   
"He's leaving. Don't worry Tony, it'll work out. And if it doesn't, then fuck him he doesn't deserve a man as great as you." She says with a light smile and a kindness in her eyes. I laugh slightly and shake my head.  
"You're the best, Nat. I love ya." I say to her. She and most of the others have grown to be my family and I love them. "I love ya too, Tones." She replies with a grin.   
"So when are you gonna get yourself a boyfriend? Or a girlfriend?" I ask her jokingly and she shoots me a death glare. "Shut up, Stark. I don't need anyone." She says snappishly. I give her a questioning look but she avoids my gaze. Something she always does when she remembers something she doesn't want to.  
"I think I should tell Ja- Bucky bye. I'll be right back." I say. Even of he is cheating I need to tell him goodbye. Nat looks at me questioningly but merely says, "If you feel that's what you must do."   
I stand outside his room for a minute listening for any noise but hear nothing. I open the door and begin to speak when I see it. Steve and my husband. Kissing. Steve has Bucky pushed against the wall, hands on his arms, with Bucky's hands on his hips. I gasp and Bucky shoves Steve off of him and looks at me shocked.  
"Tony, it's not what you-" he begins to say quickly before being cut off by the angry Stark.  
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY TOWER!" He screams at the soldier who begins to say something before I add, "NOW!" And the brunet leaves. Bucky exists quickly giving Steve a hateful look and me a sad one. I shoot Steve a furious look before growling a, "You too, fucker." and the super soldier leaves. Those bastards.  
~~Before Tony arrives~~  
~THIRD PERSON POV~  
Bucky sits down on his bed after hearing Natasha's message, tears threatening to spill. Steve knocks on his door and enters when he is given permission.  
"Hey...I heard what Natasha said. I'm so sorry, buddy. Why would he do that?" Steve asks with fake concern. Everything is going the way he planned. Bucky shakes his head, letting only one tear fall.  
"I've hurt him. Deeply." Is all he says as he stands and grabs his duffel bag. He begins to pack the things he needs, clothes, toothbrush, photos, etc, as Steve continues to speak.  
"Honestly, I don't think he deserves you. He's no one special. He's a killer. He isn't good." Steve says angrily, his distaste for Tony coming out sooner then he would like. Bucky drops his bag in anger and whips around to look at his friend.  
"Excuse me? That's my husband!" Bucky says loudly, trying not to scream at the blond man. Steve smirks and shakes his head at the brunet.  
"Yes, that's the problem." Steve says with a sigh. Bucky looks at him confused and questions, "Why is that a problem?" Steve begins to speak but hears footsteps outside the door. The person sighs and Steve realizes it's Tony. He smirks and looks at his friend.  
"Because of this." He says as he shoves Bucky against a wall and forces his lips onto his. He holds Bucky's arms against the wall so he can't push him off. Bucky's hands go onto Steve's hips in a attempt to get the super soldier off of him. But it's an effort in vain and the door opens and Bucky realizes who stands there after they gasp. Tony. He shoves Steve off and trues to explain but Tony cysts him off and demands they leave. Bucky grabs what he's packed in his bag and leaves as he was asked. Steve follows soon. As soon as the two are outside, Bucky punches Steve as hard as possible with his metal arm, which causes the soldier to fall.  
"I hate you." He hisses at the blonde on the ground, who is clutching his jaw in pain, before walking away and leaving him behind.


	5. Chapter 5

Third Person POV  
TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM  
Any hurt or pain Tony had felt before had nothing on what he felt now. Betray was the worst emotion one could feel, and it broke the broken man more than ever. It felt as if Bucky had been playing with his emotions, he didn't even like to call him Bucky anymore. A nickname meant he was fond of Bucky, yes he was still in love with him but he was royally pissed off currently, but James meant that they were so close that nothing was wrong, that Bucky wasn't cheating on him. He didn't know what to call Bucky that would make more emotionally devoid, so he just had to stick with Bucky for now. What a shame he couldn't hold true to his word, Tony thought, that he couldn't keep himself from Steve. But they had been friends since the nineteen hundredths, and Steve was perfect. He the golden child. And Tony was...well he was Tony. He wasn't some perfect, blonde, amazing, super soldier. He was a depressed, abused, broken, crazy, stupid man who spent almost everyday alone in his lab. At least in his eyes. There was a time when Bucky would join him in his lab, but those days were long gone. But that didn't mean that the memories didn't resonate in his mind and keep him up late at night in tears. Those were the days. The days when there was just love, and kindness, and caring. When Bucky was home, when he cared, when he loved Tony. When Bucky was still James. The days Tony wasn't so broken. The days where Tony didn't even think about cutting. But here he was standing above them sink with water flowing out of it and a razor blade in his hand. He loo ked at the blade for a while, admiring it's odd beauty, fascinated that such a small thing had so much power. And the he positioned it not on his wrist, no Natasha would likely check there if she was worried he was depressed, but on his upper leg. He never wore shorts, so that wasn't a problem. So here he stood, a blade on his leg and a trembling hand holding it. Almost. Such a sad word. He almost didn't do it, he almost put the blade down and walked away. But almost means he didn't. And he did not do these things. Instead he dragged the blade across his leg over and over, not to deep but not to shallow. The scarlet liquid that Tony longs to see oozes out of the cuts he's made. He watches intently, relishing in the pain since he knows he deserves. He knows he deserves the pain, the hate, the betray. He's worthless, nothing. A waste of space. Not even human. There's only four cuts on his leg but he knows he deserves so much more. So he drags the blade over his legs over and over until they're almost completely red and there are more cuts then he can count that are also fairly deep. He gathers his tools and begin to clean his legs, when his legs aren't so red he can see that there's about thirty cuts. More than he expected. But he knows it's what he deserves. A penance almost, except Tony doesn't believe in god. And if he's real, well Tony hates him. He hates for not caring about him. For not being there. For letting him be hurt. He'd always been told "God loved us all, and is always there for us." but he found this wasn't true and if it was, god was doing a bang up job with Tony. Because had constantly screamed for god to help him, and save him. But he didn't. He didn't stop Howard's abuse, he couldn't save his mom, he couldn't save Tony. And if he was real then he watches as Tony suffered, as he broke, as he died. The words Tony had said to Bucky the other night rung in his head.  
"You can't break what's broken." He had said. His words had been true, you can't break what's broken. But you can shatter it. And in that moment Tony knew, Bucky has shattered him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so short!!

Third person POV  
WARING: HOMOPHOBIC/BIPHOBIC LANGUAGE AND COMMENTS, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS  
Bucky sat alone in his hotel, it wasn't a nice one. He didn't feel worthy of a nice one. Not after he had hurt Tony the way he did. Yes, the kiss was Steve's fault, but previously he had held Tony against a wall and hissed in his ear that he shouldn't dare say what he said. And acted like he was going to- like was going to- he couldn't even bring himself to say what he was going to do. Well, he didn't want to. But the thought didn't stop creeping into his mind.  
'You were going to hit him' the thought finally came. He hated himself for it and he slapped himself hard with his metal arm in the face. Tony didn't deserve this. He deserved someone much better than he. And he wasn't exactly doing a good job with Peter either. He had basically abandoned the boy and he probably didn't feel welcomed. He didn't even known the boy had snot been home the on night. A good father would notice his son wasn't home. A good father. Something Bucky wasn't.   
He went on a walk to try and clear his mind, many walking his way recognized him and while most were kind and only asked for an autograph or a photo or something along those lines. But he didn't come across haters. The ones that didn't like it when he came out as bisexual and Tony came out as gay. So there were the occasional biphobic or homophobic remarks.  
"Fag"  
"Slut"  
"Pick a side"  
"Disgusting"  
"Sinner"  
"Cheater"  
"Gay"  
"Bet you and Tony have threesomes ALL the time"  
"Whore"  
And so on and so forth. Hate was everywhere and on a normal day, Bucky would tell them to fuck themselves. But today they got to him. Maybe he was a whore, a cheater, a faggot, maybe he was everything they said he was. Maybe he was worthless. Maybe he should just go die. He so badly wanted to go somewhere and just slit his wrists, but he knew he could not. He couldn't do that to Peter or Tony or Nat or anyone else. Plus he had to be strong.  
He sat in his room alone, still contemplating cutting himself. The need was extreme and his wrist itched for a blade. But he would not give himself the satisfaction. He did not deserve that. But he decided he would try like hell to save his marriage and his relationship with his son.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey guys i wont be able to update for probably a long while as once again my tablet broke. So I'm using a phone right now that isn't mine to tell y'all this. I'm so sorry for the wait but I'll make up for it i promise. Later gays. Love ya ❤


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sup fuckers guess who's going to try to update a whole lot more now that they have a phone? It me.   
> This chapter is basically just how everyone is feeling right now. Kind of filler but also kind of important  
> Expect something more juicy soon

3rd person POV   
•••••••••••••••••••••••••  
It's been a few days since Tony kicked Bucky out and he hasn't left his lab since. Tony has always had a way with burying his feelings in his work. But by doing so he completely disconnects from the real world meaning he doesn't leave the room, he doesn't talk to anyone, but worst of all, he doesn't eat or drink anything. Because while he works he doesn't feel. He doesn't feel his emotions but he also doesn't feel his hunger or thirst. Tony has passed out from exhaustion several times but he used to have Bucky to come pick him up. But not anymore.   
Natasha wants to help him but she doesn't know how. She's never been one to deal with emotions other than those like anger. It's not here fault after what she's gone through how could you blame her? And she doesn't even know if she's 100% against Bucky. She knew that he was definitely in the wrong but something told her he wasn't cheating. She'd always felt that Steve loved Bucky and couldn't help but wonder if Steve forced himself on Bucky. But even if Bucky wasn't cheating, he was still in the wrong. He shouldn't have gone behind Tony's back and lied to him. He should have been there for Peter, who barely knows Bucky. He should have been there for Tony. And above all he should have NEVER made Tony feel unsafe like he did when he seemed to almost hit him. But, regardless of all this, Natasha knew how much Bucky meant to Tony and if he was still redeemable then she would do everything she could to redeem him.   
Peters doing well. But also poorly at the same time. He's met Wade and he really, really likes him. And Wade likes him too. But Peter also knows something is going on with his dad and Bucky. But no one would tell him anything. He heard them yelling at each other and Bucky's been gone for a few days but no one will say why. His aunt Natasha claimed he was on a mission but he knew that wasn't true. Bucky never went on missions alone and everyone else was still here. He'd heard Wanda speculating that he'd had a kind of Steve and Peggy scenario where Bucky found out an old friend was alive but Peter doubted that too. But maybe they were only saying they thought those things because he was around. Peter doesn't want to assume to worst but he can't help but wonder if his dad and Bucky had a blow up. Had Bucky done something? 'He's been out a lot lately....witb Steve....no...it can't be.' Peter thinks as he begins to connect the dots, 'surely he's not cheating....right?'  
Meanwhile Bucky is also a reck. With no simple activities like construction to distract himself with, Bucky begins to do more reckless things. He'd gone sky diving, swam with sharks, gone bungee cord jumping, and other possibly dangerous activities. Sure, these things looked like something a happy person would be doing for fun but deep down Bucky did all these things in hopes that maybe they would go wrong and maybe he wouldn't make it out alive. But he never expressed this to anyone. Then again, who could he tell? He felt betrayed by Steve, he had betrayed Tony and in the process turned the others against him. Both that he'd cheated on his husband. He'd been helping Steve on all those 'missions'. Steve claimed he was completely broken from loosing Peggy and needed to be with Bucky to make him feel ok. Bucky was hesitant at first in fear of making Tony mad but then Steve threatened to kill himself. Looking back now, he could clearly see Steve's toxic personality. He didn't want to believe it before. But he couldn't ignore it now. He was going to completely kick Steve out of his life. He blocked his number and all his social media's. And if he ever tried to meet him in real life he'd probably kick his ass.   
Meanwhile, Steve felt no remorse. Steve didn't care that he hurt Tony and hardly cared that he hurt Bucky on the way. Because he didn't love Bucky. He just wanted him. Call it an obsession. Steve wanted Bucky and didn't care who got hurt on his way to get him.


	9. Progress Report

So I'm posting this on all my stories as a progress report. As of now I'm working on these stories:   
Mend My Wounds  
Just A Little Mistake  
A untitled new story  
And possibly some Scars but it's not a top priority.   
As for my other unfinished stories considered them discontinued for the time being. I will eventually get to them but for now I'll be focusing on my other stories. That's all for now. Expect a chapter of one or two of the above stories later today.


End file.
